Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
