we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
