I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
