My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
