I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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