im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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