First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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