the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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