Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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