Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
