My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
