I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The best revenge is premature balding
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
