Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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