How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
