That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
