1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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