It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
