Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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