Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize