she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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