Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
