your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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