i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
