my sisters under your porch take her home
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
