It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
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The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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