Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
time to smoke my breakfast
His hands were made for my vagina.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
