He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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