New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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