he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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