My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
