The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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