put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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