I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
