he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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