Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
