Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
