don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I checked into jail on foursquare
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
