My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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