thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
