i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
