That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
