In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
