I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun