Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.

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  (561): Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like. http://tfl.nu/svkw
  Replies (42) Good night (2749) Bad night (914)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a beautiful day for a hangover

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  (215): It's a beautiful day for a hangover http://tfl.nu/x1e7
  Replies (32) Good night (4459) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

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  (614): I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help. http://tfl.nu/rixg
  Replies (20) Good night (2632) Bad night (5132)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.

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  (419): He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/bo6z
  Replies (23) Good night (927) Bad night (7471)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job

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  (847): The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job http://tfl.nu/ki5a
  Replies (46) Good night (4709) Bad night (1796)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye

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  (815): Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye http://tfl.nu/ds98
  Replies (12) Good night (1225) Bad night (2733)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?

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  (405): She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip? http://tfl.nu/6lx8
  Replies (17) Good night (3759) Bad night (1969)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.

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  (207): And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition. http://tfl.nu/ff1h
  Replies (4) Good night (1166) Bad night (2563)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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  (415): so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then? http://tfl.nu/dz1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3530) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?

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  (715): you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question? http://tfl.nu/kzcn
  Replies (11) Good night (1290) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.

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  (724): I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now. http://tfl.nu/lvrq
  Replies (5) Good night (2129) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.

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  (732): Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left. http://tfl.nu/846c
  Replies (3) Good night (1452) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!

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  (714): You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue! http://tfl.nu/dw09
  Replies (5) Good night (1604) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha

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  (707): I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha http://tfl.nu/s6o5
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.

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  (480): I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified. http://tfl.nu/m5g1
  Replies (2) Good night (310) Bad night (516)

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