so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
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Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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