6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
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Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am available for nakedness
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left