Texts From Last Night

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.

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  (859): Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota. http://tfl.nu/azvw
  Replies (14) Good night (2825) Bad night (752)
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  (021): View more from

  Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.

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  (021): Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant. http://tfl.nu/uluq
  Replies (49) Good night (631) Bad night (6735)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.

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  (609): Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/sxhu
  Replies (10) Good night (2434) Bad night (955)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?

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  (203): Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high? http://tfl.nu/olxn
  Replies (8) Good night (852) Bad night (2317)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.

  (712): View more from Iowa

  On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.

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  (712): You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled. (712): On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride. http://tfl.nu/7lij
  Replies (2) Good night (2178) Bad night (1159)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is

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  (501): As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is http://tfl.nu/j324
  Replies (2) Good night (584) Bad night (1737)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!

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  (541): I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed! http://tfl.nu/rzlj
  Replies (13) Good night (708) Bad night (2405)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.

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  (732): When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails. http://tfl.nu/3vyn
  Replies (5) Good night (2134) Bad night (649)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.

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  (715): On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good. http://tfl.nu/74vq
  Replies (11) Good night (1352) Bad night (487)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners

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  (551): Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners http://tfl.nu/77j3
  Replies (4) Good night (1520) Bad night (482)
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  (518): View more from New York

  We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours

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  (518): We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours http://tfl.nu/zbw4
  Replies (9) Good night (1042) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.

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  (415): I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame. http://tfl.nu/5rwn
  Replies (1) Good night (843) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If you need anything just hit me up

  (845): View more from New York

  Pancakes

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Noted.

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  (201): If you need anything just hit me up (845): Pancakes (201): Noted. http://tfl.nu/a0ik
  Replies (1) Good night (863) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.

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  (804): Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal. http://tfl.nu/5gs5
  Replies (5) Good night (837) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.

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  (270): My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is. http://tfl.nu/aqiv
  Replies (0) Good night (478) Bad night (152)

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