You're my little dorito
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
