God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
