My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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