I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
