Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
