took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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