dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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