you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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