Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
