If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
