God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
