I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
