And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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