so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
