i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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