I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
