okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
