I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
