i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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