I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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