hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
