never play flip cup with pint glasses
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
