i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
