Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
