Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
