you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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