drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
