I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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