You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
