Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
